Unapologetic Heretic (6/8/2017) – F*ckdamental News

Offensive: OOOOOOOOOO

Blasphemous: OOOOOOOOOO

Trigger: OOOOOOOOOO

 

Sometimes I need to fade away from the horrors of public media with classic survival horror. If you ever feel like your adrenal gland needs a work out, look no further than the Silent Hill series to sink yourself into like a hot bath of rust and psychological symbolism.

“Chelsea, I thought this was a news post?”

Quiet, Horatio. I’m allowed to gush about things I rather be doing than reading the news. But you’re right, I suppose I have a duty to perform as a not-well-known-at-all blogger.

Links coming straight from religionnews.com, because I can’t be bothered to do a more involved Google search.

Trump: ‘It’s time to put a stop to attacks on religion’

I trust that I don’t have to point out the ever-present irony that is Trump’s entire media facade.

It’s already been nine months since Orange Satan ascended the Presidential throne and I am a year older, but evangelicals seem to be regressing exponentially.

WASHINGTON (RNS) President Trump told his political base of evangelical Christians that he would continue to restore the religious liberty many of them feel they’ve lost.

“It is time to put a stop to the attacks on religion,” Trump said in a speech Thursday (June 8) to the Faith and Freedom Coalition that began shortly after former FBI Director James Comey questioned the president’s integrity at a Capitol Hill hearing.

“We will end the discrimination against people of faith. Our government will once again celebrate and protect religious freedom,” Trump, a Presbyterian not known to be particularly religious, told more than 1,000 people in a hotel ballroom across town from the hearing.

He said he and his audience were “under siege.”

I feel like I’m going to drop dead from exasperation one of these days.

If anything, the right-winged evangelical fuckspurs are correct in assuming they are “under siege”…by their own hubris.

2017-06-08 18_16_28-Trump_ ‘It_s time to put a stop to attacks on religion_ _ Religion News Service

Also, this fake fucking smile still isn’t fooling anyone with an IQ greater than 90.

US commission: Russia a major violator of religious freedom

Russia [COMMA]. F minus. See me after class for your dicking.

Most recently, Russia banned Jehovah’s Witnesses, labeling them “extremist” and ordering the state to seize their properties.

“They’re treating these people like they’re terrorists,” said Tom Reese, a Jesuit priest who chairs USCIRF, referring to Russia’s treatment of the Witnesses. “They’re pacifists, they don’t want to be involved in politics and they just want to be left alone. The Supreme Court has basically said they’re illegal.”

Hold the phone, Soviet Bear. You’re still denying eye-witness accounts of active concentration camps operating in Russian territories and blatant homophobic mandates on news coverage. I think you have a hell of lot more civil rights issues than Jehovah’s Witnesses. What are they going to do, steal your doorknobs?

Why religious liberty trumps free birth control

Oh, please oh please tell me how your Jesus-loving usurps my rights to my own vagina! Please! I can hardly wait!

(RNS) For years, we have witnessed a legal battle over the Affordable Care Act’s so-called contraceptive mandate. It seems odd to have nuns and government lawyers fighting each other in court. But that’s how this culture-war flare-up played out.

And now the nuns stand on the precipice of victory.

On Monday (May 29), The New York Times reported that the Trump administration is finalizing a rule that would exempt many religious institutions from a requirement that employers provide coverage for contraceptives in their group health insurance plans.

The rule fulfills a promise President Trump made four weeks ago when he signed an executive order in a bizarre show of solidarity with religious conservatives.

“With this executive order,” Trump said, “we are ending the attacks on your religious liberty.” That was not exactly true, but the administration began taking steps “to address conscience-based objections to the preventive-care mandate.”

I think I made my points fairly clear in a previous post. 

Well, if you haven’t downed the whole bottle yet, you might as well read on.

Rhetoric on both sides was dishonest. Conservatives said the mandate was an unprecedented attack on their right to freely exercise their religion. Donations flowed to the burgeoning Christian legal-defense industry, which seemingly takes every religious-liberty plaintiff it can find, no matter how outlandish its claim.

Liberals tried to paint opposition to the mandate as nothing more than irrational misogyny. Just this week, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said the Trump administration’s “sickening” rule to “roll back women’s access to contraception” would deny “millions of women access to basic, preventive health care.”

Pass me the apple seeds, Jim Bob.

Trump administration reversing Obamacare’s birth control mandate

What’s that smell?

Oh, my brain’s leaking out of my ears.

Goddamnit.

“The birth-control coverage benefit in our nation’s health care law was the single greatest advancement in reproductive health care in a generation,” said Kaylie Hanson Long of NARAL Pro-Choice America. “It gave millions of women more control over their own lives by making birth control affordable and accessible, and it was fiscally responsible to boot.”

But conservative groups that battled the Obama administration in court over the insurance coverage mandate heralded the emerging policy, which would be implemented even before public comments are solicited, rather than the other way around.

I just wonder how WASPs are going to survive if they’re literally denying women birth control. Because a lot of women take birth control to control their menstrual cycle and hormones. What? You thought that women could control that? Well, you were certainly a slow swimmer in your daddy’s left shriveled up testicle, weren’t you, Bobby Joe Billy Bob Jr!

So, by denying birth control to women based on the belief that every single woman takes them solely to prevent pregnancy because they’re unmarried whores that ensnare men into their manipulative cunts because the Bible told you so, you are going to have a LOT of angry PMSing ladies at your jugular veins!

If women can’t tell their own uteruses to calm the fuck down, what makes you think you can?! You want to mandate our reproductive rights? Okay, I want to impose a rule that white men over the age of 60 can’t be eligible to vote. Would that be fucking fair?! And yet the same demographic wants to tell me what I can’t do with my own vagina? Stick a fishing hook through your scrotum and bungee jump from a tree, you political fuckwits!

Catholic farmer ousted from Michigan market over same-sex marriage views

God, it’s like June 2015 didn’t happen for some arrogant shitheads.

A Catholic farmer in Michigan is suing the city of East Lansing after he was barred from a municipal farmers market over his views on same-sex marriage.

Stephen Tennes filed a lawsuit at a federal court on Wednesday (May 31), seeking his reinstatement.

In it, Tennes says he was prohibited from selling his products after his business, Country Mill Farms, refused to host a lesbian couple’s wedding at its orchard in Charlotte, 22 miles outside the city and he stated on Facebook “his Catholic belief that marriage is a sacramental union between one man and one woman.”

Well, Mr. Tennes, it seems like you could have avoided such ostracism by pulling your dick out of your own ass and doing your fucking job with none of your homophobic bullshit. There is a reason that people get flacked now for refusing business based on sexual orientation, because that is illegal. You have the right to believe that the Earth is flat, but don’t you dare say that you’re going to deny me the right to buy a globe because it’s not within your fucked up belief system to do so.

Adventist pastor comes out as bisexual, resigns her church

That’s two things that rarely coincide. Intrigued.

“Through study and prayer, I’ve come to a point of complete disagreement with the Adventist Church on their teachings about LGBT people,” Alicia Johnston said in a video posted on Facebook on April 22. “I also myself am bisexual so I’ve come to an awareness of that and have realized I just can’t live my life with integrity anymore without being honest about that.”

The Arizona Conference Corporation of Seventh-day Adventists issued a statement calling Johnston a “gifted theologian and pastor” and noting its determination to abide by the stances of the church.

“While the Seventh-day Adventist Church deeply believes it’s our responsibility to minister to all people, we also have a mandate to adhere to all Bible teachings,” the conference said. “Fundamental Belief #23 states: ‘Marriage was divinely established in Eden and affirmed by Jesus to be a lifelong union between a man and a woman in loving companionship.’”

Hmmm…eternal salvation in heaven that isn’t strictly proven by factual evidence or being deliciously smothered by a hot curvy blonde’s pussy as she rides my face? Haven’t had that happened (yet), but I think that’s more probable and a much better way to spend Sunday morning.

Excuse me, I have some…research that needs attending to…

Trey Pearson releases first music video since coming out as a gay Christian rock star

“The song is very much about my journey, especially over the last year and a half, but really kind of having to go through the darkness and the toughness — just all the hardship to find the light on the other side and the new beginning and the hope,” the performer told RNS.

“I just wanted to find a way to portray that in the video.”

In it, a young gay man sings during a church service, then shares a kiss with his partner to applause from the congregation.

Sigh. Why can’t all stories be this positive.

Sorry, it’s now back under the shit tide…

Debate about Islam and security dominates British election

Surely, the UK should have learned how NOT to hold an election by watching the Stupid Apocalypse that’s happening in the states.

I’m reminded of Trump’s speech in about February or March when he paraded and exploited the families of terror attack victims. While Pence and Ryan were clapping and popping up out of their seats like the Yes Men WASP Clones that they are, I didn’t miss the obvious argumentum ad misericordiam (an appeal to pity or “sob story”) being implemented for support of the radical travel ban still being tossed around the House and Senate like shit flying in a gorilla enclosure.

If we’re going to pretend that being nonsensically racist against a whole demographic is going to cease terrorism and then make insultingly controversial legislation regarding Christianity as “the most persecuted religion in the world”, then dust off your bugle, because we’re going to fucking civil war.

Not being from the UK, I can still sympathize for the British Isles because this election was more or less sprung on the public out of xenophobic fear, which was one of the prevailing reasons US citizens voted in Trump. And it isn’t personal belief, it’s the belief of a group of misinformed technophobes that will forever deny the utility of the World Wide Web but have no problem gobbling down whatever the fuck Fox News and CNN’s right-wing filters are sifting into the headlines. I apologize if I inadvertently imply that you are a moron because you honestly believe that Glenn Beck is God’s gift to journalism — obviously, I need to sit you down with some paper and glitter pens to explain that, yes, you are stupid.

This is not 1960 and it will never be again. The Internet has replaced reliable news outlets and newspapers will one day become anachronistic marvels of old times and you will also become, if you are not already, decaying bone dust in boxes buried under six feet of dirt and worms and your racist ideals will die alone like you will if you continue to deny human progression. I do not apologize for thinking this because it is something that baby boomers need to swallow down. THESE ARE NO LONGER YOUR TIMES. Quit punishing younger generations for daring to fight for freedom. If you continually fight against progression but refuse to educate yourself in aid of your argument because of sheer arrogant bolstering of your “right” principles, you are going to be overruled

That went on a tangent, but it needed to. Older generations need to learn the difference between extremists and modernists and learn to identify extremism in their own religion. Muslims in general want peace and they want equality. ISIS is as much an extremist sect of Islam as the Westboro Baptist Church is an extremist sect of Christianity. You need another comparison? How about Mormonism and the fact that the leader of one of the most prolific extremist sect still claims to be a “mouthpiece of God” from prison? Education is under siege in America because Betsy DeVos wants to severely alter public education and implement private charter schools, removing governmental interference from the education of children. This is dangerous because this is how severely indoctrinating schools such as A.C.E., A Beka, and Bob Jones academies begin. More than often, these type of schools hide away child abuse and cover up sexual molestation/rape. I cannot stress enough how much psychological and mental damage this does to a child, to put them in a conservative, isolating environment where there is a definite right and any line crossed is considered evil.

Speaking of extremists fuckbrains covering up rape…

Christian Extremist Josh Duggar Says He Is The Victim

Duggar filed documents to join the lawsuit Jill, Jessa, Jinger and Joy filed last month. In his docs, Josh says cops assured him his 2006 interview discussing the molestation of his sisters would remain private. He says since he wasn’t charged, the information wouldn’t have gone public … if the reports weren’t released to In Touch magazine.

Duggar says once the story came out, it caused him mental anguish and humiliation. He played up the sympathy card in the docs, saying he was “victimized and forced to relieve the painful and difficult circumstances of a traumatic experience as a juvenile.”

I think my eyeball just blew out of my skull.

I’m not a proponent of any type of prison rape, but if anybody deserves it, it is this fuckbag. In purple, because of being formatted with blockquotes on original blog post…

In that statement Duggar confessed to his hypocrisy and his betrayal:

I have been the biggest hypocrite ever. While espousing faith and family values, I have secretly over the last several years been viewing pornography on the internet and this became a secret addiction and I became unfaithful to my wife.

After Josh exited the Christian rehab, reports surfaced that Duggar would not apologize to his sisters for sexually abusing them, because the Devil made him do it:

… one thing you probably won’t hear is that he’s actually sorry, as he believes that external forces were to blame for his behavior.

Previously Duggar confessed to police that he “forcibly fondled and sexually assaulted at least five underage girls, including four of his sisters, on multiple occasions, over the span of several years, while he was a teenager.”

Dear Josh Duggar,

You are an absolute menstrual clot in the soiled sanitary napkin that is your family’s existence. I wish that I could rip your spine out through your anus to make you feel just as violated as your sisters assuredly did when you were taking away their innocence. You deserve to have your pathetic shriveled up dick slowly and agonizingly stripped of its epidermis, layer by layer, by a blunt knife. Afterwards, you deserve to have your balls wrapped in barb wire and the other end off a tree trunk as you are made to hang your mutilated scrotum and then doused with a gallon of pure lemon juice. Then you will have your eviscerated testicles scrubbed even more raw with a salt lick. 

Your mother should have aborted you and your father needs to be sterilized with a rusty steel barber’s razor dipped in the venom of those killer Japanese hornets. 

Yours forever in Christ,  

Chelsea Soulsucker 

Parents Charged With Murder After Praying For Sick Daughter Instead Of Getting Medical Treatment

Good luck praying your way out that one.

Christian Speaker: Women With Short Hair Aren’t Feminine Enough for God

I’m going to guess that this person won’t be seeing any muff hair for a while. If at all.

Oh, it’s a woman. Someone’s obviously not seen their own muff or had an orgasm, ever.

As reported by Anne Lim in Eternity magazine, Ms Read, the Dean of Women at the Presbyterian Christ College in Sydney, said “it might be more in line with God’s good design to have long hair because it was a visible sign of the difference between men and women in which God delighted”

I’m going to guess that your husband left you for a short-haired chick. Or long-haired dude.

Judge Dismisses Christian Group’s Lawsuit Involving Loudspeaker Prayers at Football Game

Reports say that the judge’s thunderous eye rolls were so significant, that they were louder than the bangs of their gavel.

London attacker’s mother blames internet for son’s radicalization

Read also, Mother Blames Dead Victims For Being Killed By Her Precious Starchild “Baby Boogie Boogers”.

Let’s round off the post with some mockery of the right-wing news ring. This time, CNN.

‘Manspreading’ is now a no-no on Madrid’s public buses

Yeah, fuck men for having sweaty, sticking balls!

Come on, surely any ladies reading this can at least own up to having to “air out the landing zone”? Have sympathy for the ball bearers.  Let them spread out. It’s only wrong if they’re trying to spread out their gonads against you without consent, in which case, he’s definitely going to feel cleaved in half if it was me.

Lindsey Graham: ‘Half of what Trump does is not OK’

Tune into more of Lindsey Graham’s reports on politics, such as US Congress is Probably Corrupt and Sean Spicer’s PR Team is Sometimes Incorrect.

Comey: ‘Lordy, I hope there are tapes’

Golly gee whitacres, I hope that there are some bamboozling humdingers on their conversation!

Comey goes medieval: ‘Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?’

…I like him.

He’s like Tyrion Lannister and Trump is Joffrey.

Also, there’s coverage of the UK elections happening now. I’m going to plead ignorance of the specifics of UK political parties because…I’m American. Not in the “fuck yeah” way, more like in the “Oh my God, this country is going to be fucked bombed soon” way.

God, speaking of factions, UK political parties are like RPG factions in gaming. The Conservatives are the Stormcloaks, the Liberals are the Imperial Legion. The Scottish are the Dark Brotherhood, the Irish are just drunk Nords that lull around the inns repeating dialogue branches.

For America, the Republicans are the Thieves Guild and Democrats are Riften citizens. I have no idea what I’m talking about anymore, so I’m going to end this post and try to sleep.

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